Don’t Stand So Close To Me: The Guide To Leaving Me Alone


[Cue the mood music]

I’m a social person. I scored almost a 50/50 on that introvert/extrovert test because, while I do adore turning up in da club and hanging out in big groups and talking for hours, I sincerely appreciate my alone time. And there is nothing worse than that alone time being unwanted-ly interrupted.


So, for all of those wonderful people out there in my life here is a guide for when you should leave me alone.


1. I Am Reading A Book

If I am curled up like a itty-bitty kitty-cat on the couch with my Pillow Pet under my head, my cheetah print robe snuggled around my shoulders, and a nice, fat tome of something old and classic in my hands DO NOT sit down before me and plunge into a story about the random girl who would not stop talking to you in line at Starbucks. I love you, I do. But at this moment, I’m in my happy place and I could care less about the girl in line at Starbucks. I’ll care in 30-minutes when I’m finished with this chapter.


2. I Have Headphones On

I feel like this should be the universal sign for “Leave Me Alone,” but some people still do not get the memo. I’m not angry with you. I’m just not in the mood to do anything but stare at the ceiling while listening to Alt-J’s An Awesome Wave album on repeat. Each time I have to pause the iPod to answer one of your questions that I missed because I am currently otherwise occupied increases my irritation ten-fold. So just don’t do it.


3. I Am Sleeping

Really? This should be a no-brainer. Unless the apartment is burning down or you’ve suddenly sliced your hand open with a pair of scissors while scrap booking and you’re bleeding all over the place, don’t wake me up.


4. I Am Surrounded By Books With Menacing Titles And Currently Look Like Death (AKA Studying for Midterms/Finals)

Sometimes, I can be the social study-buddy who takes frequent breaks to chat and sip our iced teas while trying to get the attention of the cute barista across the café.

This is not one of those times.

If I am at the center of a circle of very large books and notebooks and binders and Index cards, I am most likely in the midst of intense studying. If I look like I haven’t showered in a couple of days, I probably haven’t. If I have a milkshake in front of me, that’s because this is the only thing that gets me through my darkest studying hours. Do not approach me. Do not speak to me. If it is urgent, you may send your note on a paper airplane and see if I choose to reply. The upside is that I’ll probably be in the mood to party for days after this rough spell is over and you will have my undivided attention.


5. I Specifically Tell You To Leave Me Alone

If I say, “I’d like to be alone” or “Please leave me alone,” I don’t mean it as a suggestion. I don’t mean it as an option. I mean leave me alone.

I’m not the only one. There are millions of people out there who sometimes, just want to be left alone. It doesn’t mean we don’t love you. It doesn’t mean who wish you any ill will or that we’re currently angry with you. It just means we need some time to charge ourselves up before we engage in any more human interaction. Don’t take it personal. Just leave us alone.



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